


A Night To Not Remember

by UnparalleledAngel



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Blow Jobs, Comedy, Explicit Sexual Content, Hangover, M/M, Not to be taken seriously, and sexual, it's that but papyton, very silly, where you get drunk and have to work out what happened the night before, you know that one quest in skyrim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 17:29:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13839579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnparalleledAngel/pseuds/UnparalleledAngel
Summary: Papyrus, having been a long time fan of the famous Mettaton, attends his party in high hopes of getting to know him. Luckily for him, he gets to know him very, very well.For iqom, who is always making me laugh with her incredible ideas. I hope this makes you laugh too, honey.





	A Night To Not Remember

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iqom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iqom/gifts).



Papyrus’ head ached like someone had taken a mallet to it and sloppily glued him back together again. Of course, this wasn’t the case in the slightest (Papyrus hoped) as he would be very much not alive anymore. No, this was the undeniable effects of a miserable, bone-aching hangover. 

He scrunched his eyes shut, feeling the sun’s rays trying to pass through his eyelids and make his head pound even harder. Though, in the process of trying to keep the light from antagonising his sensitive head, he noticed something else entirely.

He felt weird. Not just the unpleasant after-effects of too much alcohol, but his whole body felt... odd. Like he was caught in something that wasn’t just blankets. In fact, even his sheets didn’t feel the same. They were perfumed and silky, nothing like what he was used to. Despite his disputing senses, he wrenched his eyes open and looked around.

This wasn’t his bedroom.

And those arms wrapped around him certainly weren’t his own.

“Oh!” Papyrus gasped. He’d startled himself upon turning around, seeing none other than Mettaton stark naked, clung tightly to his body. “ _Oh!! My God!!_ ” he cried out and winced at his own volume. That was-- _wowie_ , that was The Mettaton. _Mettaton_!! Holding him naked and much to Papyrus’ ever-growing surprise, he found himself to be naked as well.

Papyrus laid back down and scrunched his eyes shut, trying his hardest to piece back the memories from last night. The fact that he’d most definitely had some form of romantic liaison with the man of his dreams and he couldn’t remember a thing about it was beyond frustrating. 

Okay, he could remember arriving at Mettaton’s house along with Undyne and Alphys. 

His affections for the robot had always been rather obvious, and after Undyne had to listen to him listing all the ways he’d liked to woo him for the 100th time, she sighed and invited him to a party she and Alphys were attending, hosted by Mettaton himself. 

He could also remember this party being gigantic, the whole entire expanse of Mettaton’s glamorous mansion had been littered with people, most of whom Papyrus was sure Mettaton couldn’t have known personally. Not one person in the world could have so many acquaintances! Despite this, the robot himself had seemed to take a shine to him, cutting through the crowd and asking him to keep him company throughout the night as soon as he laid eyes upon him.

And wowie, could that robot drink.

They had glass after glass of wine, followed by shots and copious amounts of alcohol Papyrus couldn’t even name at this point. All he could remember is that every drink brought him closer to a bubbling happiness that was welling in his non-existent gut. He was having fun with Mettaton! And Mettaton was having fun too... but that’s all he could remember, everything after the point where they were laughing and joking in Mettaton’s kitchen was completely blank; and looking at their current position, Papyrus desperately wished he remembered more.

Pulling him from his deep thought, Mettaton’s throaty chuckle was heard behind him.

“Ooh, now what do we have here?” Mettaton questioned, retracting his arms and propping himself up on one elbow.

Papyrus turned around, letting his eyes gloss over Mettaton’s incredibly nude form before looking away again, flustered.

“Oh, don’t act so coy now, darling,” Mettaton purred, “From the looks of things, we’ve already become very acquainted.”

Papyrus sighed. “So you don’t remember anything either?”

“ _Not a thing_.” Mettaton rolled his eyes and flopped onto his back with a grunt. “Although I’d very much like to find out the details. It seems we had a fun night.”

Papyrus narrowed his brow and looked around the bedroom. It was in a state of horrid disarray. Along with the blankets that were strewn across the floor, there were a gargantuan amount of clothes pouring out of an upturned dresser, the curtains had been torn from the pole, and there were a particularly ripped pair of boots at the foot of the bed.

“There isn’t any chance that your room is always like this, is there?” Papyrus asked.

Mettaton shook his head. “I’m afraid not, darling. And don’t even think about blaming this on the guests from last night- I always lock my bedroom door for these events so... this is all down to us, honey.”

Papyrus gulped audibly, an action that Mettaton found rather comedic, coming from a skeleton. 

“I-I’ll help you tidy up!” 

“Oh, no need to fuss, darling,” Mettaton assured as he swooped out of the bed and picked a hot pink silky robe out from the wreckage left by the overturned dresser. He put it on, relieving Papyrus immensely. Having Mettaton’s nude body on show like that was rather distracting. 

Papyrus watched him, utterly perplexed. “You don’t seem very shocked by all of this!”

“Hmm?” Mettaton said, inspecting himself in the mirror. “Oh! Believe me, I am, honey. I am. But it’s more amusing than anything.”

None of this had quite settled in Papyrus’ mind yet; and his mind was alight like a bonfire. 24 hours ago, he’d have exploded at the thought of even shaking hands with Mettaton, his long-time celebrity crush, and here he was now, in his wrecked bedroom after doing who-knows-what with him all night, watching him... lift up his robe to inspect his ass in the mirror?

“Oho, Papyrus, you are a kinky one, aren’t you?” Mettaton said before biting his lip.

Papyrus’ eyes narrowed and settled curiously on the plush ass of Mettaton, who was wiggling it at him. There were bite marks. _Bite marks_. It took Papyrus a good five seconds to connect the dots. 

_I bit Mettaton’s ass last night._

Papyrus’ head was spinning again. That couldn’t have been right, he always thought of himself to be a gentle, romantic lover, though the image of him leaving marks on that ever-so-tender behind was a tantalizing one. He couldn’t quite blame his drunk-self.

“Mettaton? Do you mind if I go to the bathroom?” Papyrus questioned. He reeked of alcohol and his bones all seemed to be oddly sticky. It wasn’t a feeling Papyrus relished.

Mettaton covered himself up again and picked up another robe up from the floor, black this time, and threw it at Papyrus. “Through there, sweetheart.” He nodded at a door on the other side of the room. “I’ll be downstairs.”

“O-okay!” Papyrus stammered, pulling the robe around him and leaving for the bathroom. 

He was certainly enjoying Mettaton’s company, but being away from him so he could untangle the ever-twisting thoughts that were clouding his mind felt like a brilliant idea. Everything about Mettaton was a distraction, the way he spoke, the way he looked... the terribly dirty images that kept flicking into Papyrus’ memory everytime he looked at him... Yes, being in a different room would definitely help.

Papyrus leant over the sink and groaned loudly. His head ached dreadfully; and the rest of him wasn’t too pleasant either. Looking up at himself in the mirror, he started, eyeing a rather quaint bruise that had been left on his neck.

Was that... a hickey?

Papyrus pushed down the overwhelming urge to be turned on by the idea of Mettaton marking him and splashed himself with water from the sink. Just how hard were they going at it last night? And for how long? He felt like every bone in his body was straining to keep him upright. Small memories sprung upon him sporadically like jack-in-the-boxes, just waiting to pop out when he least expected it. He saw Mettaton, bent and panting underneath him on top of a table. He also saw his legs spread wide on the bed, begging to be fucked. And Papyrus, leaning down and slipping a tongue between Mettaton’s luxurious cheeks.

Papyrus shuddered.

Surely half of those had to be apart of a dream. There was no way they could have done all of this stuff in one night, right? And that included everything he _couldn’t_ remember. Trying to think about the night before was like attempting to finish a puzzle with half the pieces missing. Nothing quite connected. 

Like why was all the toilet paper was unspooled and scattered across the bathroom floor? Surely that wasn’t a common feature in Mettaton’s house. He certainly seemed like the kind of guy to keep his toilet paper neatly on the roll where it belonged. Papyrus was at a loss for why it was currently like that. There wasn’t even a sexy explanation for that one!

He shrugged. His mind ached too much to try and think too hard about it, so he just stopped trying for a while. He hoped Mettaton wouldn’t mind him using his shower briefly, wanting to get rid of this dirty after-party feeling that had seeped into his bones. 

After he washed himself and dried off gingerly with a towel he really hoped Mettaton didn’t mind him rubbing his bony body on. When he felt much better about his hygiene, he felt refreshed. Clean skeleton, clean mind. He slipped on his robe once again and planned to go straight downstairs to meet with Mettaton and laugh about how crazy this whole situation was. 

So he’d had sex with Mettaton! He puffed out his chest, it was nothing to feel ashamed of, quite the opposite, in fact. He was over the moon with this information. All he could do is hope Mettaton wouldn’t suddenly come to his senses and get angry over the trashed bedroom.

Papyrus hopped out of the bathroom, skipped through the bedroom with a wince and stepped out into Mettaton’s hallway that lead to a grand staircase, bringing him to the main lounge that Mettaton was waiting for him in.

Before he could jovially approach him, he stopped dead in his tracks, his foot locked in place on the step he was descending.

Everything in the house was a huge, catastrophic mess. 

“Oh, my God, Mettaton- what happened here?” Papyrus asked, descending the rest of the way and looking at Mettaton’s majestic dining table that now had long fissures running through it.

Mettaton, who’s gaze hadn’t moved from something on the wall since Papyrus arrived, turned and smirked. “I have my guesses.”

Papyrus rubbed the back of his neck. That confused feeling was returning again. 

“Forget the table, honey, come and look at this,” Mettaton ordered, nodding towards the wall. 

Papyrus did so, hopping over a fallen lamp to wear Mettaton was, gasping when he saw what had gathered his attention.

“You know, sweetheart,” Mettaton began, folding his arms. “Under any other circumstance I’d be rather angry that there was a huge dint in my wall, and that my whole house was completely wrecked, along with most of my expensive furniture... but as it is, I’m hardly keeping back the laughter, darling.” And with that, he finally let out a spirited laugh that made Papyrus jump.

Papyrus’ promise to himself that he’d go and have a good laugh with Mettaton wasn’t holding up. He could barely see the humour in the situation. He’d ruined Mettaton’s house! What a terrible guest he’d been! Surely Mettaton was only laughing out of shock and would break down into wretched tears at any moment. But he didn’t, and when his laughter dried up, he looked amusedly at Papyrus’ grumpy face, almost making him want to laugh again.

“You can’t possibly think that I caused all of this!” Papyrus said, gesturing around them.

Mettaton shook his head. “Oh, no no, darling. Not you- _us_.” He started laughing again. “We did this... together!”

“Well...” Papyrus couldn’t quite argue with that. Especially as something in his memory was beginning to put a very vivid image of Mettaton spread out upon that very table, gasping as Papyrus slammed into him as though his life depended on it. 

“You’re getting them too, huh?” Mettaton nudged him playfully with his elbow. “The memories? Those beguiling little snippets of the night before that just return when you least expect them? I’ve been trying to remember the moment you fucked me so hard into this wall that we caused a crater in it but unfortunately... it just won’t _come_.”

Papyrus choked on air. “Please don’t tell me that was a pun!”

“It may have been.”

“No!” he cried. “Absolutely not!” Today couldn’t get much more confusing. Just how had he managed to cause a dint in the wall just by thrusting into a robot? Was that even possible? How was Mettaton not completely split in two?

Mettaton snickered at Papyrus’ protestations and slipped passed him. Papyrus tried his hardest not to notice that little limp Mettaton had whenever he walked but wowie, was it difficult. He really had been rough, hadn’t he? The gentleman in him wanted to offer to carry Mettaton to wherever he was going but he doubted he’d accept anyway.

Mettaton seemed to be in very little distress, if any at all. He even seemed to take pride in the limp, grinning mischievously when he saw Papyrus studying it. And then he slid out of view, letting himself into the kitchen, glad to see none of his drinks had been damaged, only depleted slightly.

“Would you like a glass of wine?” Mettaton called out to Papyrus.

Papyrus’ features twisted up in disgust. _Alcohol. Never again_. “I sincerely hope you’re joking!” he called back.

“Of course I am,” Mettaton said with a hearty laugh, stuffing the glass of wine he had in his hand hastily back into the cupboard. “How would you like a glass of water instead?”

“Please!”

Mettaton returned shortly, offering a glass to his skeleton lover. Looking around, he found his sofa amongst the wreckage and brushed aside a torn dress Mettaton hadn’t even been wearing that night, gesturing for Papyrus to sit down.

Gratefully, Papyrus did so. He was beginning to feel faint. An overwhelming amount of information was hitting him all at once and it wasn’t processing well. And, _oh God_ , Mettaton was certainly sitting close to him on the sofa, looking at him with those beautiful wide eyes.

“Are you alright, darling? You look a little queasy,” Mettaton asked. No more laughter or playful little taunts, his voice was now full of concern.

Papyrus shook his head. “I’m quite alright! It’s just... well, I’ve always looked up to you and always hoped something like this would happen-- not quite _this_ exactly but... similar. It’s just a lot to think about!”

“Isn’t it fun?” Mettaton said, looking at him searchingly. 

“It would be if I could remember it!” Papyrus returned, scratching his head as he looked around at the wreckage. “I don’t even know where my pants are!”

“Oh, I think I know where they are...” Mettaton turned and a moved his gaze to a statue of a nude man who stood, looking rather stoic as he gazed off across the room. Except he wasn’t very nude anymore, Papyrus' pants were tied in a knot around his middle. Papyrus also noticed that the statue now had lipstick stains all over its lips. Mettaton pretended he hadn’t seen this at all.

Papyrus squinted. _Why this?_

He jumped up, forgetting his past nausea and determining to figure out the events of this night if it were the last thing he did. He undid the knot in his pants and took them back from the statue.

“Awh,” Mettaton pouted, “I thought he looked rather charming in those...”

Papyrus paid him no mind, rummaging in his pocket for his phone. He sighed in relief when it was actually in there. Having a lost phone definitely wasn’t on his wishlist today.

He grumbled under his breath when he saw five messages from Undyne. Surely this couldn’t be good.

He opened them with a grimace.

“Papyrus, omg you HAVE to call me when you wake up. As SOON as you wake up. I can’t believe you’re doing this- you have to tell me everything.”

He squinted and scrolled up.

“So you two are actually gonna- OMG! When he was twerking on you on the dancefloor, I thought he was just messing around. I guess I should have seen it coming, you were all over each other all night. Good luck ;D!”

Underneath this message was a video Undyne had taken of the party. Papyrus dismissed that for the time being, scrolling up further and cringed at the sight of his own drunk texts.

“UNDYNE, TELL SANS THAT HE’S GOT TO MAKE HIS OWN BREAKFAST IN THE MORNING. I WON’T BE THERE.”

“You won’t?”

“NO! NO OF COURSE NOT, HOW COULD I BE THERE AND HAVE MY DICK IN A ROBOT AT THE SAME TIME?”

“Wait- WHAT?!”

“I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT, UNDYNE, IT’S QUITE SIMPLE.”

“Haven’t you come home from the party yet?”

“NO!! METTATON INVITED ME TO STAY THE NIGHT--- OH WOWIE!! I’VE GOT TO GO UNDYNE- I THINK IT’S RUDE TO TEXT WHILST YOUR COCK IS DOWN SOMEONE’S THROAT.”

That was the last text he sent for the night, followed by many exasperated and strangely proud messages from Undyne. All Papyrus wanted to do right now was dig a very deep hole in the ground, throw himself in it and wallow in self-pity for an eternity, never seeing his friend’s faces again.

Luckily for Papyrus, he knew all of that was very over-dramatic, even for him, even for _Mettaton_ , so he refrained from doing anything silly and went back to sit by the robot himself again. 

“Undyne sent a video from last night!” he told him, putting the screen between them so he could see.

Mettaton leaned forward with a grin. “Oh did she now?” he said as it was loading. “I hope it’s of something saucy.”

Papyrus frowned. “I doubt I’d have sex with you in front of Undyne.”

“Oho, maybe but I’m quite the exhibitionist... and alcohol makes people do the craziest things. So, who knows- oh, here it is.”

The video loaded and up and on the screen Papyrus and Mettaton were. 

“Oh, we’re dancing! I remember dancing,” Mettaton enthused, shifting closer to Papyrus. 

They kept watching, and piece by piece, Mettaton’s fascination for whatever this video had in store was dissolving. Video-Mettaton drew closer to Papyrus, threw his arms around his neck and started grinding very lewdly against him to the music. Video-Papyrus was more than pleased with the situation, grinning and laughing.

Real-life Papyrus was enjoying it too. At last! Some semblance in his mind of what actually happened last night, and he certainly liked the looks of it, too, Mettaton being all close like that.

Mettaton, however, grew silent. That was how he looked when he was drunk? Acting all ridiculous like that? There was not an elegant bone in his body, his grinding was sloppy, his laughs were too loud. But then the worst happened and video-Mettaton turned, bent over in front of Papyrus and twerked himself into his own grave of embarrassment.

“I think we’ve seen enough of this, darling,” Mettaton said, trying to poke the phone screen and send the awful video away.

Papyrus yanked the phone away, out of his reach. “I haven’t finished it yet!”

“But I don’t look sexy in it! Turn it off!”

“Nonsense, you always look sexy!”

“Papyrus, please, I want it deleted and gone-”

Papyrus huffed, finally turning off the video. “Fine! I’ll delete it!” and he did so, removing the video from his phone. He failed to remind him that Undyne still had a copy, however. He’d want to watch that video again later.

“I wonder if I took any videos myself...” Papyrus muttered. 

Mettaton watched in horror as Papyrus opened his video folder, revealing a treasure trove of what surely must be many more embarrassing videos.

Papyrus opened one with glee. Finally! The events of last night were coming into place, the pieces of the puzzle were being returned one by one.

The screen loaded and up popped a very drunk, and rather bare Mettaton, slurring and and trying to focus on the camera.

He was wearing absolutely nothing but toilet paper that was wrapped loosely around his body. 

“Pappy, sweetheart... you sexy boy... d-do you like my new look? I call it Toilet MTT a-and-” he started laughing, “It’s a part of my bathroom collection. It’s good for sex b-because look you can just-” he ripped the toilet paper off of his body, “Ta-da!!”

Video-Mettaton was caught up with raucous laughter and approached the camera, ending the video.

“That never happened,” Mettaton said plainly, shaking his head. 

“This is video evidence!”

“I’ve been framed!”

Papyrus shook his head. Mettaton was being absurd! Papyrus had enjoyed absolutely everything he’d seen so far. Albeit, all of the embarrassing things were being done by Mettaton... but Papyrus still thought he looked very attractive.

He put on another video out of interest and Mettaton threw his hand over his eyes dramatically, wanting nothing to do with this.

There they were again, and Mettaton peeked at the phone through his fingers in curiosity. Video-Mettaton’s positioning quickly roused his attention again.

“Oho, taking a video of the show, hmm? How naughty...” he spoke. Papyrus seemed to be standing up, holding the camera and Mettaton was kneeling and undoing the skeleton’s belt eagerly.

Much to the viewer’s surprise, he took out Papyrus’ hardened cock and held it in between his thumb and forefinger, a breathy moan could be heard from behind the camera. Mettaton licked his lips and Papyrus was visually shaking in anticipation, the camera was getting wobbly. Slowly, almost teasingly, Mettaton took the tip in his mouth and hummed. After that, the screen went black as the phone was dropped to the floor, completely disregarded. The remaining five minutes was full of Papyrus’ enchanted moans and a blank screen. 

Papyrus skipped ahead to the end, growing self-conscious at the sounds of his own drunken, slurred moans. Mettaton was back to looking smug again.

“I liked that one,” he said, “You can send that to me later.”

Papyrus rolled his eyes and put on another video. They were quickly greeted with the glorious view of Mettaton’s bare ass bobbing delightfully for Papyrus’ entertainment. He was bent over the now-ruined dining table, looking over his shoulder.

“What are you doing back th-there, honey?” he asked, followed by a teasing lip bite.

“Taking a video... for... for reasons, Mettaton! There are many reasons that I would want to savour this moment.” 

Mettaton laughed. “Just get over here and fuck me already, won’t you?”

Just as the phone was about to be put down, and the two watching were sure Papyrus was about to end the video, he spoke again hurriedly. 

“O-oh! Wait, before I do- I have to ring my brother and tell him I won’t be staying the night. I-I already told Undyne but.... she’s very, very... unreliable. She’s not going to do it properly. He-he has to know what I’m doing or he won’t believe her... I’ve gotta- I’ve gotta tell him that my dick’s going to be submerged so far up a robot’s ass that I won’t be able to retrieve it for three days. _He’s gotta know this_.” 

The video ended and so did Papyrus’ hopes of ever being able to look his brother in the eye again.

He went quickly over to his contacts and sent Sans a “I’m so sorry,” for good measure. Knowingly, Sans sent a message back a few seconds later, just saying, “please, don’t mention it.”

What Papyrus would give to go back in time and slap that last shot out of his hand.

...And all the ones before it.

“Well... that was fun!” Mettaton said, his voice strained slightly. 

“I still don’t get how we made the house look so messy!” Papyrus said. “I pride myself on my cleanliness! There’s no way I would have made anything look like this!”

“Darling, I’m pretty sure we’ve been over this. You and your raging libido fucked the house into ruin-”

“Hey! There’s no way this was all just me! You were there too!”

“Mm-hmm, but I was merely the one being fucked into things- you did all breaking.”

Papyrus huffed and threw his arms up in the air. “We don’t even know if things broke whilst we were... getting busy. There could have been other reasons! Maybe we had a very involved dancing competition.”

“Oh, I don’t think so, and I’m going to prove it.”

Before Papyrus could question him, Mettaton stood and walked with as much sass as he could muster with a sore ass and a limp.

He went over to the hole in the wall again, pointing at it followed by a ‘watch this’. He spun around on his heel and lined his back up with the wall, finding that he was a perfect fit. 

“If you look closely, you can see the indentation of my ass cheeks,” he noted as he moved away again. “I might not even fix it. I’ll frame it instead, point it out to guests as the place I got fucked so hard my ass got imprinted in the wall.”

“I’m still not sure how that’s possible-”

“Oh hush, sweetheart. I’m very durable- anything’s possible.”

Almost like Mettaton had spoken some magic words, Papyrus was slapped across the face with another vivid flashback. He could remember having Mettaton pressed up against that very wall, one leg hooked over his shoulder, the other around his hips. He was chanting and moaning, crying out Papyrus’ name.

“Oh God, oh _fuck_ ,” he gasped, spitting the words out. “Harder, oh _fuck_ , harder. I’m very- ah, durable Papyrus. _Harder_.”

And so he went harder, pressing Mettaton into the wall with all his strength.

“Honey, you’re zoning out,” Mettaton’s voice spoke and Papyrus was brought reluctantly back to the present. “Have another memory?”

Papyrus blinked and shivered. He really did break Mettaton’s wall with his ferocious quest to satiate his boner. At least he could keep that memory for future use.

“Well, with the puzzle of why your house is such a mess put to rest-”

“I already knew but go on.”

“-Yes, well! There’s still the question of where my clothes are,” he said, looking around. He saw himself still fully dressed in that video of Mettaton on his knees, but in the next video, he was completely unclothed. He hadn’t seen his clothes in the bedroom and the only item he’d retrieved were the pants that had been tied around the statue. He dreaded to think where the rest were hiding.

“Forget your clothes, I want to know where mine are. That suit was a rental--” he stopped, seeing Papyrus’ guilt return to him, “If it’s any consolation, your underwear is in the kitchen, hanging from the ceiling light.” Its location could only paint the image of Papyrus flinging them away with gusto into both of their minds.

“Oh and, sweetheart, I can’t help but feel like I’ve been a terrible host so far. I opened my home to you and we had a _wonderful_ night,” he said, as he went to sit by him once again, shifting close, “And all I’ve done is tease.” He drew a finger across the sternum that was showing through the opening of Papyrus’ robe. “Maybe there’s something I can do to... make it up to you?”

Papyrus stared at him blankly for a whole five seconds, and for a moment, Mettaton was sure the offer had flown right over his head. But then he spoke, and said “Oh! My _God_ , Mettaton! You’re really looking for more sex after all this! Unbelievable!”

Mettaton drew back again and rolled his eyes. “What can I say? You’re a handsome guy! Can’t blame me for trying.”

In a flash, Papyrus had scooted close to him again. “Well, I didn’t say no!”

For what seemed like the millionth time that morning, Mettaton laughed, throwing his head back as he did so. He knew there was a reason he’d been so drawn to this skeleton the night before. He was full of surprises, and a breath-taking amount of energy. He wanted to explore every corner of this skeleton’s personality, find out everything there was to know. 

But first, the matter at hand.

He drew so close to him, until his lips were nearly brushing against the soft bone of his skull and whispered, “Let me go take a shower, freshen up and I’ll be right back, sweetheart.”

Papyrus’ breath hitched and Mettaton pulled away again, leaving the spot his skull that Mettaton nearly touched tingling. 

He limped away, and grimaced, turning back. “I’m thinking you can bottom this time...” 

Papyrus nodded knowingly and watched him walk away, travelling back up the stairs and out of sight.

Taking a breath and swallowing his fears, Papyrus picked up his phone again, deciding it was time to put Undyne out her misery and call her as she requested. He had a lot to tell her anyway.

He went outside and stood on the porch for the call. He didn’t really enjoy the idea of Mettaton potentially listening in, especially as Mettaton himself would be the topic of the conversation.

“Undyne!” he simply said when she picked up and before he could get another word out, he was stopped by her overpowering laughter. “ _Undyne_ ,” he groaned pulling the phone away from his head and waiting to hear her laughter die off.

When it did, he put it back to his skull again. 

“Papyrus, oh God, last night really went well for you, huh?” she enthused. He could sense her bouncing in her seat and hear her banging her fist on some surface, trying to contain her fervour. “I can’t believe-- okay, you have to tell me everything. But don’t go too detailed, I’ve already heard enough.”

Papyrus went to tell her about the state of Mettaton’s house but then paused. “You have?”

“ _You don’t know_ ,” she yelled. “Okay, oh my God, last night, Alphys got a call from Mettaton at like... 2am? When everyone had gone home... well, except you!”

Papyrus didn’t like where this was going.

“And... let’s just say he was pretty damn descriptive.”

“Yes! Let’s _just_ say that. No more information is needed-”

“Oh, Alphys. He’s so good. Incredible. An ass casanova. An _assanova_.” Undyne screamed with laughter but quickly settled again to carry on, “I’ll never be able to walk again. I’ve really done it this time, Alphys, you’ll have to take off my legs for good but it will be worth it-”

“I THINK I’VE HEARD ENOUGH!” Papyrus bellowed, embarrassment making him want to double over and weep. He never wanted Undyne to know about his bedroom antics. Ever.

“The rest was just him talking about how... big you are. I think the word used was ‘colossal’.” She shrieked with laughter. “Dude, you went to that party to impress him and I think you just went above and _way_ beyond.”

Papyrus took a deep breath. “That’s true!”

“So what’s up?” Undyne said, as though their conversation was nothing out of the ordinary, like he was just calling to ask if she wanted anything picking up from the shop. 

“Well, it’s unbelievable! I woke up this morning and the whole house seemed to be a _mess_. Most of it must be from the party but... I’m not sure. I think I’m going to have to pay him for the rest of my life with all the damage I caused.”

“ _Jesus_ , Papyrus,” she said, “I never knew you had it in ya.”

Papyrus rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Me neither!”

“What are you doing now?”

“Talking to you.”

“ _No_ , no I mean, you still at his place? Do you need picking up?” 

Papyrus gulped. “That won’t be necessary. I... well, let’s just say I’ll be staying a little longer.”

Undyne guffawed. “Like a true assanova.”

“ _Undyne_!”

“Okay okay, I’ll stop, I promise. It’s just so funny. You’re always so modest... I’m not trying to insult you, Paps, but you’re a prude. That’s just who you are. Just say the word ‘sex’ around you and you go all red in the face-- I bet that’s what you look like right now!”

Papyrus was starting to feel like hanging up was a very good idea. “So I made love to a man! I’m an adult. It’s allowed. Adults do it all the time.”

“The fact that you call it ‘making love’ just proves my point, Paps.”

He rolled his eyes. He was a born romantic, always choosing his wording to be most efficient and poetic. Of course, Undyne wouldn’t understand.

“I’m hanging up now!”

“Come on, Papyrus. Don’t be like that-”

But Papyrus wasn’t paying attention, something made of fabric had caught his attention, hanging up high on a nearby tree, out of reach.

“I have to go,” he said, hanging up on her.

He’d found Mettaton’s underwear.

**Author's Note:**

> I just needed to write something silly and light-hearted after all the drama and angst of my other fics. I hope you guys enjoyed this, it's probably the stupidest thing I've ever written but it makes me laugh, so mission accomplished, I guess.
> 
> Maybe one day I'll write a sequel about the sex they're about to have. But that's something for the future.


End file.
